I just threw up on my dentist
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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