hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Drake has all the answers
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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