Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
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besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
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the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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