so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
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Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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