they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize