Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize