I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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