Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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