Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize