i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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