I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize