weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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