you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
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1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize