If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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