Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize