she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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