Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
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You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
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I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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