They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
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Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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