Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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