Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
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The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
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He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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