if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
even my farts smell like vagina
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
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i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
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A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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