Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
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