walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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