all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
someone owes me an orgasm
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize