He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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