I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize