Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize