OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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