Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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