Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We left an ass print on the piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize