i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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