you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
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I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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