Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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