I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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