The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize