cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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