I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
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Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
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I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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