so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize