so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
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no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
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Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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