Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
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I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
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I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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