You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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