i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
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I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
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When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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