Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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