I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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