i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
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You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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