Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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