my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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