I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize