I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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