i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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